Imagine's Journal

I admit it’s been fun. Suddenly slim really does change everything, little did I know. So it all started as a bid for greater health. Woopsie, that’s a lie. It all began because a friend of mine started to pay attention to me in a boy-pays-attention-to-girl kind of a way. Effortlessly, while basking in the pretty yellow sunshine of his delightful attention, my ass started to get smaller and my hair started becoming larger. Eventually, I started investing actual money in the haircut which, by local accounts, rendered me (heaven help us) ‘in style’ by somebody’s notion of the thing. And the while the ass continued to get smaller, the heels suddenly started becoming higher (and higher). Lo and behold, Out of the Clear Blue Sky, people who scarcely knew me were being all nice and asking after my weekend. Since I’m a social klutz, it took me a while to realize that these people had not suddenly become kind and generous. . . I simply look different from how I had looked. Intrigued, started to pay more attention and realized that boys like collarbones. Don’t ask, since I have no idea of how collarbones could possibly be someone’s ‘thing’. But it works. If I want to have a good day and have people treat me gently, all I really have to do is wear clothes that fit, are in reasonable condition and style; include high heels and show my collarbones. Truth be told, I’d have been doing this all along if I’d only realized. It even works on women inasmuch as they look to the men for leadership. If a powerful guy smiles benignly at you, all the women who see it are completely aware that it would behoove them to treat you well. It’s like dominoes. It’s unexpectedly amusing. I keep wondering if I’m the only one who sees through all this.


Meanwhile, this phenomenon has wrought havoc with what used to be a very quiet and stable social life. I didn’t date and that was that. Nobody would make the mistake of thinking that coffee or lunch was actually a DATE with me. It’s just a meal or a beverage. That simple life is mine no more. Now, all of a sudden, everything as *implications*. I know (I know), you don’t have to tell me, I can see my own picture. I’m not even a pretty girl! Yet still. Young guys don’t want to hang out with me anymore for fear someone will think it’s a date (I’m middle aged) and men who I am not considering dating have begun to make it clear that they assume that we are in a ‘relationship’ because I spent fifteen minutes reassuring them about something over a muffin in the cafeteria. I swear I am not exaggerating. It is about the weirdest thing EVER.

For the time being, I’m pretty much stumped. I think I’ll try to enjoy myself, but at the same time, try to figure out the rest the rules as quickly as I can. Oh, and espadrilles. I need some espadrilles -- with heels. Spring weather is just ‘round the corner!